


And I built a home for you (until it disappeared)

by Serenebelle



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Denial, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:27:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27133162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serenebelle/pseuds/Serenebelle
Summary: It doesn’t rain on the day of the funeral and Dick doesn’t have the strength to not be angry at that.OrJason is dead but death has never been able to hold him for long and Dick is not going to let it now.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't going to post this work until I finished writing it but because of something that happened last night I have to.  
> The Nigerian government is trying to take our voices away but we will not cower.

It doesn’t rain on the day of the funeral and Dick doesn’t have the strength to not be angry at that. He hasn’t had the strength to do much of anything recently. He’d have thought that on such a horrible day, the world or at least the sky would be miserable too. But it wasn’t, it was sunnier than was usual for Gotham. The birds were chirping and the sky was blue.   
“A perfect day.” He thought resentfully.  
‘Car Accident’ they said. A car accident had killed the red hood.  
The more Dick thinks about it the more confused he becomes. Jason Todd who had come back from the dead once already. The same man that Gotham’s underground both feared and respected. Batman’s second Robin.  
Car Accident.  
It would have been funny if it wasn’t so heartbreaking.  
“Dick?” comes Tim’s voice from behind snapping him out of his thoughts. “Some of us are going to get some lunch… would you like to come?”   
“Thanks babybird but I’d rather stay for a bit.”  
“You could ride back to the manor with Bruce, you shouldn’t be alone right now.”  
“I said I’m fine Tim,” Dick snaps back, immediately regretting it after seeing the startled look on Tim’s face “I just want to stay a bit, okay? I’ll be fine”  
“Okay… sure, whatever you want.” He turns to leave but not before giving Dick a hug and whispering an “I’m Sorry” into his ears.  
Tim must have said something to the others because no one else bothers him while he’s there. Before long he’s the only one left standing at Jason’s grave.  
“Once wasn’t enough was it?”  
“You had to die again… a car accident. The great Jason Todd survived the joker only to die in a car accident. I can’t” Dick chokes, he lifts his hands to touch his face and feels the tears falling. He hadn’t even noticed he’d started crying.  
“I can’t believe that after everything we’ve been through, after all the enemies we defeated… a-after everything,” the tears intensify and he begins to sob, as he falls to his knees before Jason’s headstone.   
“Why us… hmm? Why you?” Dick chokes out voice catching on his tears.  
He doesn’t know how much time passes before he stops crying but the sky starts getting dark. “I suppose I should be leaving; can’t stay here forever.” He stands up and turns to leave as a drop of rain falls on his face. He looks up and starts to laugh hysterically as he walks away.

Here lies Jason Grayson-Todd   
Beloved brother, Son and Husband.


	2. Chapter 1

The second Dick enters their apartment, he goes to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of whiskey. He chose a full one, as most of the previously opened ones were Jason’s and Dick couldn’t look at them without thinking of him. Not to say he wasn’t currently thinking about him anyway. 

  
Ignoring the wet trail he leaves behind as he moves around. He doesn’t even bother to take off his drenched suit as he drinks the whiskey straight from the bottle. He knows he shouldn’t be drinking right now but he doesn’t really care. Anything to numb the pain. As he walks back to the couch a memory comes to mind.

  
_“No.” Jason exclaimed, looking mortified at the ridiculous green couch Dick was sitting on. They had recently moved in together and Jason had taken particular care in the interior of the space._   
_“But whyyyy?” Dick whined childishly and proceeded to lie on the couch._

  
_“Because it’s hideous, for god’s sake it looks like day old vomit.”_   
_“Where’d you even get the thing in the first place?” Jason asked as he took off his jacket and hood. He’d had some business to handle at the docks so he was later than usual but had he known that Dick would use it as an opportunity to bring the green monstrosity into their apartment, he would have killed the guy and gotten home earlier._   
_Then again, killing wasn’t really his cup of tea anymore._   
_“Found it at a yard sale.” Dick replied standing to kiss Jason who deepens the kiss wrapping his arms around the formers waist._   
_“Wanna christen it?” Dick asked wiggling his eyebrows._   
_Jason rolled his eyes in response before pushing Dick to lie with him on the couch. “We’re getting rid of it tomorrow.”_   
_“Sure.” Dick said laughing aloud before Jason kissed him again._

  
Looking at the couch now, Dick could see what Jason meant. It was honestly an eyesore compared to the sleek, organized and stylish interior of the apartment.   
“You were always more stylish than I was, weren’t you?” Dick asks the thin air as he curls up into the green couch clutching the half empty bottle of whiskey. The more he drinks the angrier he becomes as he stands abruptly and stumbles into the kitchen still holding onto the bottle. He grabs a knife and starts to tear into the couch. Cotton and fabric litter the floor as he relentlessly rips into the couch. At some point during his assault, tears blur his vision but he doesn’t stop. Suddenly he hears a voice behind him.  
“I thought you loved that couch babe.”  
His hand stills and he drops the knife, standing up but still facing the ruined couch. He recognizes the voice, of course he does but he can’t bring himself to turn around.  
“You know we only kept the ugly thing because for some reason you wouldn’t let me throw it out.”  
He couldn’t ignore the voice anymore and turns around shakily and in front of him he sees…  
“J-J-Jason?”  
“Miss me Birdie?”

**

Dick cannot believe his eyes, right in front of him stands Jason looking just like he did the last time they saw each other. He freezes unable to take a step forward like he knows that any slight movement would change everything. He’d wake up and Jason would disappear.   
“H-h-how are you…” he stutters out as Jason crosses the room and perches on the disaster that used to be a couch.   
“I…I” he starts to say before thinking better of it. He sits beside Jasaon and leans into his side closing his eyes.  
“You’re not really here, are you?”  
“No, Goldie… I’m not.” Jason sighs putting his arms around Dick as the latter sinks into the embrace.  
A fresh wave of tears rush to Dicks eyes because for a second there he truly believed that all of it was a twisted dream.  
“So I’m hallucinating then?” Dick asks looking up at the man beside him.   
“I’d like to see myself as more of a hot, sexy fever dream.” Jason replies smirking cockily at the startled laugh his statement draws out of Dick.  
“Don’t leave.” Dick says, voice small as he tightens his grip on Jason tears continuing to fall from his eyes.  
“You have to let me go Pretty bird. You have ...”   
“No… I don’t… I can’t. You can’t ask me to.”  
“I’m sorry Dick.”

**

Dick wakes up the next morning on the tattered remains of what used to be his favorite piece of furniture; sore, freezing and hungover still dressed in his funeral suit. The once immaculate clothing wrinkled and dirty. The bottle of whiskey empty as he’d drunk some of it before spilling the rest the night before. 

  
The events of the previous night play back in his head and he startles, head clearing in an instant.  
“Jason…” he calls frantically rushing around the apartment. It’s empty and the sadness and disappointment wash over him like a wave.  
“I think I’m going crazy.” he says as he pushes his hair out of his face.

  
Heading into the room he pics up his phone and scrolls through it.

  
_16 missed calls, 10 text messages and 3 voice messages._

  
He drops the phone onto the bed and goes to take a shower.

_Hey Dick… It’s Tim. I’m just calling to see if you’re okay. Call me back when you get this okay?_

_Hey boy wonder! I haven’t seen you in a bit. Why don’t we have coffee tomorrow? Just you and me and if you feel up to it, you could handle the comms with me afterwards. Dick I know you’re hurting just know we’re here for you if you if you need anything._

_Dick. Please come home. I know this is a difficult time for you and… please just come home._

_Hey Dick, It’s Tim…again. Just checking in…again. Everyone misses you. We just want to see if you’re okay Dick. Please just call me._

_Dick… It’s Bruce again. I’m getting very worried about you. Just pick up your phone. Damian keeps asking for you. I don’t know what to tell him… I know this doesn’t compare to how you feel or remotely make this better but we lost him too and it feels like we might be losing you too. Please come home._

**

  
Dick spends the 3 weeks after the funeral holed up in his and Jason’s apartment wallowing in bed. Getting drunk, crying and conversing with the odd Jason hallucination his mind conjures up here and there.

  
By the time he decides to get out of bed, he’s visibly lost weight from not eating or exercising much since the funeral. Replaying the voicemails sent by Babs, Tim, Bruce and a multitude of other friends and acquaintances; he tries to resist the sudden resentment he feels.

  
“They expect you to be okay, Dickie.” He hears Jason’s voice whisper from somewhere behind him.

  
“Perfect Dick Grayson… the golden boy.” 

  
“They’re trying to help Jason.” He replies half-heartedly. He knows he shouldn’t indulge by replying a hallucination but he can’t help himself… not when it wears the face of the recently deceased love of his life.

  
“Of course you’d defend them.” Not-real Jason replies, his signature scowl on his face.

  
“I’m not having this conversation right now.” Dick says as he drops the phone and walks into the bathroom, looking in the mirror for the first time in three weeks. While it’d be dramatic to say he doesn’t recognize himself, he still admits that he makes a pitiful image.

  
His usually styled hair has grown out a bit and is sticking out in different directions. His facial hair has grown past the acceptable light stubble and looks like its failing at being a proper beard. His eyes are sunken from crying and lack of peaceful sleep. His normally tan skin is pale and frankly, he smells like old socks.

  
“When do you want to talk then? When I’m dead? Oh wait that’s already happened hasn’t it?” Jason reappears beside the bathroom sink looking down at Dick still dressed up as the red hood.

  
“Stop it.”

  
“What… you don’t wanna talk about how you always put them first instead of me.” Jason taunts, the scowl on his face changing into a cruel smirk.

  
“That’s not true Jason.” Dick replies, ripping his eyes away from his pathetic reflection and looking at Jason in front of him.

  
“It was always Damien… or Tim-”

  
“Stop saying that… you know that’s not true… t-tell me you know.” Dick cuts him off voice gaining a desperate edge to it the more he speaks. But Jason has no intention of backing down.

  
“- or Babs or Bruce.” Jason says spitting out the last name like it physically hurts him to speak it.

  
“No… Stop it” Dick whispers sinking down and wrapping his arms around his knees, shutting his eyes. By the time he opens his eyes, hallucination Jason has disappeared.

**

“I’m worried about him.” It’s the first thing Bruce has said to Tim that day. His Mentor (father) is sitting hunched over the bat computer. The bat cave seems darker, scarier and Tim doesn’t know what to think about that.

  
“Aren’t we all…” Tim replies, he can see the dark circles from sleepless nights around Bruce’s eyes. He’d been spending most of his nights since the funeral in the Cave or patrolling Gotham. Tim’s sure the criminals of Gotham have become a lot warier of the dark knight. 

  
“I think you should go check on him… make sure he’s okay.” Bruce says, He’s stopped working since Tim walked in but remains hunched over.

  
“You want me to go to Bludhaven?” Tim askes immediately chastising himself for stating the obvious. 

  
“Yeah Tim… I want you to go to Bludhaven.” Bruce snaps back before his face falls. He looks like he wants to apologize for snapping but he doesn’t.   
“I just-”  
“I know Bruce… I know.”

**

The next time Dick is completely lucid, his apartment is deceptively clean. His first thought is that maybe not-so-real Jason was actually quite real and he had not been dreaming up all the conversations they’d been having for the past couple of weeks. However, the put together and organized vision of Tim Drake currently sitting primly at his coffee table makes those thoughts fly out the window.

  
“What are you doing here?” Tim startles as Dick’s voice drifts from behind him. To say that his brother looked worse for wear would have been an understatement. 

  
“I was in the area… thought I’d drop by.” Tim says before taking a sip from a cup of coffee Dick hadn’t noticed was sitting in his hand

  
“I brought coffee.” He continues with an unsure smile, seemingly materializing another cup from thin air.

  
“Thanks Timmy.” Dick says taking the cup and sitting on the armchair opposite Tim. Both of them making conscious effort not to look at the green train wreck on the other side of the room. The air is charged with tension as neither of them seem to know what to say. The awkward silence stretches on and is only interrupted by Tim slurping his coffee.

  
“He hated that sound.” Dick says suddenly startling Tim almost causing him to choke on his coffee.

  
“What?” Tim coughs out trying to catch his breath.

  
“He hated that sound. That slurping sound. I suppose it’s all the time he spent with Alfred.” 

  
“Oh…” Tim says and if possible it becomes more awkward.  
“Look Dick… I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through but I-”  
“You don’t” Dick sighs. “You don’t understand. You have no idea what I’m going through. When you’re done here, you’ll go out that door, meet with Kon and you’ll both continue planning your wedding.”  
Tim’s face hardens when he understands what Dick is implying. 

“I understand that you’re saying all this because you’re grieving but you have no right to make me feel guilty for moving on with my life.” 

  
“That’s it isn’t it?” Dick asks “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, it’s just-” Dick’s voice cracks and he starts to shrink into himself.

  
Tim knows it’s a selfish feeling but he wants to look away. His brother who used to look so much larger than life, whose presence used to fill every room he entered looked so small now with his arms wrapped around himself like he was trying to disappear.

  
“It was my fault.” Dick says after a moment.  
“Dick no” Tim replies immediately “Don’t say that, it wasn’t your fault.”

  
“You don’t know that.” Dick cuts him off. “That night, he was caught up at work and I made dinner.” He sniffs, eyes stinging with fresh tears.

  
“It was a new recipe I’d been meaning to try. He was late and the food was getting cold. I was upset. I called him and asked… no demanded him to come home. He was on his way when it happened.”

  
“Oh Dick” Tim says reaching over and pulling Dick into a hug. “It wasn’t your fault Dick.”

  
“I just don’t get it.” Dick whispers face still tucked between Tim’s neck and shoulder. “After everything, I just-”  
They remain there for what could be minutes or hours. Mourning a brother and husband.

“Are you sure you want to do this Dick?” Jason asks.  
“I can’t do this without you Jason… I’m getting you back.”

A month later, Officer Dick Grayson-Todd is back to work and Nightwing flies in Bludhaven again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Serenebelle on tumblr if you want to know more.
> 
> I'm really sorry that I have to resort to mentioning this injustice on a fanfiction but we need the world to know by any means necessary.
> 
> This fic is unedited and probably riddled with mistakes but...

**Author's Note:**

> On the 20th of October 2020, the Nigerian government murdered 78+ people on a bridge in Lagos. These people were peacefully protesting against police brutality that has been going on in the country for years. They switched off the lights and removed CCTV cameras before deploying heavily armed military personnel to shoot at unarmed protesters carrying the country's flag. 
> 
> https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/world-africa-54624611
> 
> The link above is to an article published this morning. Please do not look away.


End file.
